I’m beginning to think that home ownership is the third Great Hoax foisted upon us, right after religion and modern art. Unless you have more money than god or unless you have found a way to extract income from your chunk of real estate, it seems like a loser’s game to buy your own place. I have little doubt that if I add up all the money I’ve so far spent and will likely spend fixing and maintaining my house, plus the cost of the mortgage (never mind the time involved), I will be lucky if I come out even by the time I cash it in — one way or another.
How do we solve the budget crisis? It’s quite simple. Cut everything five percent. Across the board. No exceptions. I’m pretty sure that with five percent less, no one will die and the world won’t come to an end. Old ladies won’t be tossed into the street and the Mongols won’t invade our shores. And when we discover that our lives go on pretty much as normal after cutting five percent, we can cut another five percent the following year. When the sun comes up yet again, we can cut another five the year after that. Pretty soon we’ll not only have balanced the books, but we’ll get a better sense of our true priorities.
Today, I’m going back to the gym. This year, I’m hitting the beach in a thong.